I'm just going to ramble here on five hours of sleep. I am still off caffeine, so it's been a rough day with all that's happened. I just have so much on my mind and am keeping a different (earlier) schedule with the dogs. I hope I can take a nap later.
My father in-law died last night around 10:30 p.m. My husband had flown into Salt Lake and was able to spend a few last moments with him. I was really touched because he asked his father to take care of Peanut for us. I guess my husband's mom and one of our nieces expressed similar requests, which made it even more touching. My only regret is that I couldn't be there because of a stupid pet-sitting gig. I took the job because, even though my father in-law's health was failing, I naively figured he might hold on for awhile longer. But things did not go according to plan, so I am sitting here teary-eyed watching raindrops on the window with the dogs sleeping at my feet. I have called my husband a couple of times already today and will probably need to buy another top up card. Another reason I had to call was that Peanut's autopsy report finally arrived at the specialist, so we can schedule an appointment to discuss what went wrong. More good things to think about. Sigh.
I hate the month of March, except for Saint Patrick's Day. My mom died in March 1995 and now my father in-law. It seems this should be the time of spring flowers, newborns, and baskets full of Easter candy, yet many times I've been delivered sadness and rain. I thought I could remedy it by giving birth to a baby in April, but I guess we all know how that turned out.
There is no way to adequately describe my father in-law as a person, but I would still attempt it by saying he was a man with a sense of humor, who was both gentle and mischievous. He had a sparkle in his eye and he loved walking and hiking. I instantly thought of him as a kindred spirit due to his love of the outdoors. He was also great with kids and you'd usually see him playing with his grandchildren or carrying them around. He was always very kind to me and he once said that I should be "protected in all seasons". That was a funny thing to say, but that was like him to just say something unexpected that would make you smile.
What is truly depressing is that Parkinson's disease got a grip on my father in-law and it slowly stole away the person he was. Over the last five years, we saw him change into a quiet and confused person, who could no longer do very much for himself. It was hard for me to see this and I know it was hard on my husband. It was almost like dementia locked his soul away in a room where he could never be found. Maybe once in awhile you'd see a glimmer, but rarely for very long.
Even though my father in-law was in such poor condition these last years, I will totally miss seeing him when we visit Utah again. There's a picture of Valley Forge Park in the entry-way of my mother in-law's home that always reminds me of him. I think I will look or listen for him next time I am in that house, even though my logical mind knows he is gone.
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