Taking a Breather

I'm taking a break from school tonight. I turned in a paper earlier, spent all afternoon in class, and decided I just wanted to go back to the house and chill with the dogs. Hubby flew to a friend's out-of-town wedding, so I can have a little time for myself. I wish I had my paints and collage stuff over here, cause I'd love to make something tonight.

Thankfully, the school quarter is almost over. I am taking off Sunday night to write a final paper for one of my classes. Then, I have about ten days to write a 12-14 pager for another one. I'll probably take another deep breath in between and try to do a little Christmas shopping. I'm definitely on the grad-student budget though.

We are going to Utah again for Christmas. I'm a little concerned about traveling while pregnant, especially with the complications, but I figure I can handle ten days away from home okay. I'll just have to tell people I need my rest and chill time this year. Hopefully, I can catch up on some fiction reading and call a couple friends on my cell. It can be hard to get much alone time on these family visits, but I am committed to my own cause and have a good excuse.

December Days

It has been a stressful time with the pregnancy. I wish I had never had the ultrasound because now I have been placed in a high risk category. Doctors don't know if it's the placenta or a problem with the baby, but he is small and there are concerns. Suddenly I've found my mind going down a lot of dark roads thinking of all kinds of worst possible outcomes. We have both shed a lot of tears and prayed a lot over the last couple of weeks. Our families have been really supportive (emotionally and spiritually) and I am thankful for that. Doctors say there isn't much they can do, but keep an eye on the baby and see what happens. We are going in for more tests in a couple of weeks. I'm especially bummed because I probably won't be able to have a mid-wife birth like I planned.

In contrast to all that, the last couple of days have been unexpectedly beautiful with golden sun shining through the crisp cold air. I decided to accept a dog-walking/pet-sitting gig this week and I am so glad I did. At first I was worried it would be too stressful moving Hubby and I into a house with all the pregnancy, work, school, holiday stuff going on. But now that we are here and settled, I love it. When I was out with the dogs, I was remembering back when I was single and doing this type of work all the time. I loved being outside in all types of weather and observing the change of seasons. Now I wonder why I ever wanted to quit and take on the stress of graduate school. Why would I make such a choice when I could feel present and grateful for the beauty of nature every day? Yes, I am questioning my path. Not the path of having the baby, although that has obviously turned into a rough one, but the path of getting a master's degree and sitting in an office every day.