Time Marches On...

March is almost over and I can't believe it. I will be back in school part-time next week. It's been nice to have a short break and have time to read and make it to a couple dance classes. I''m a weekend warrior in ballet, but it's still fun. Thankfully, I have discovered a great teacher who makes it enjoyable for we older ladies with our aches and pains. I the past, I have felt such a pressure to be so perfect and keep up a fitness level that just isn't possible at this point. I don't like feeling stressed about something that is supposed to be a release for me. I hope I can keep dropping in on this wonderful class when things get busy with grad-school again. It's a constant struggle to balance academic/career life with health. I have actually started taking a weekly Tai Chi class at the gym, which I really love and hope to continue. I admit, I am pretty confused by the form, but I love feeling energized and present. It reminds me of yoga in a way, although it is much easier on my wrists. I have to watch out because I have some strains from working on the computer.

Easter was lovely. My husband bought me a beautiful bundle of tulips and recorded "Here Comes Peter Cotton Tail" off the Canadian channel. I hadn't seen the old Rankin and Bass Easter movie since I was a little kid. We also colored eggs and put together a big Easter basket of chocolate goodies, peeps, and jelly beans. I made a yellow cake with white frosting and colored sprinkles.

I enjoyed Saint Patrick's Day, but felt a little overwhelmed with food and drink. I think we should have chosen one or the other. Our friend Doug was with us and I wanted us all to have drinks. It was great, but we wound up walking downtown and decided to add food to the equation. This might be the Irish in me, but I usually do one or the other (not both). There was no drink on the food menu that I wanted to order, which is no surprise because I'd been enjoying gluten free beer (my favorite) at home. I wound up eating a rather heavy dinner and then had tummy troubles. The dinner would have been fine by itself, by the way. I just can't deal with both very well. Anyway, we saw a pretty good movie called "Juno" and all was well.

Not much else to report today. The weather has been dramatic with snow and rain and sudden sun breaks. I have been walking the dogs in it. Sadly, the old Mama dog I've written about on this blog passed on on the 18th. It was a sad day and we are still not fully recovered. I think I tried to cheer us up with Easter celebrations, but the grief still lingers. So much more I could say about this, but I have already written a lot about it in my paper journal.

Saint Patrick's Day

Today is a beautiful early spring day. The weather is cool, but blissfully sunny and flowers are blooming everywhere. I walked the dogs this afternoon. The old mother dog I mentioned in my last post was still hanging in there. Her eye looked a little sore, so I asked her owner about getting some eye drops. Everything was green and lovely outside. There were a few clouds here and there behind the luminescent cherry blossoms.

Our good friend Doug is over today and we are all going out for dinner and a movie. I may have a couple gluten free beers later, but I have no interest in the green drinks served at most bars tonight. I am rather annoyed by the leprechaunization of this Irish holiday. Most of us here in the states are so assimilated that we know nothing about our cultures. I know many Irish people tried to blend, so their offspring could have better lives. The sad part is that most of us have lost the stories of our ancestors. I find myself wondering who these people were. Did they look like me or act like me? I do know my grandmother, Evelyn, spoke proudly of her Irish culture at times. I wish I'd asked her more questions about the family while I had a chance though. For today, I will think of her and and remember her fiery Irish spirit. She was not one to brood about things. She loved to dance and sing and enjoy a good stiff drink. Occasionally, she liked to exaggerate things for some good story telling. She told me once that she lived most of her years with a sense that it was never going to end.

The Ides of March

Tomorrow is March 15th. In Shakespeare's time the day represented impending doom. I don't want to seem superstitious, but the day does fill me with a certain dread. In spite of the fact that the Ides of March is the name of one of my favorite Iron Maiden tunes, it is also a day when painful events have occurred in my past. The first event occurred in 1985, when a relationship I had with a boy transitioned into something that tore us both apart and forced me to suddenly grow up in ways I did not want to. The second event occurred ten years later, when my mom passed away in the early hours of the morning. That was a silent day, where everything seemed to move in slow motion.

Years have gone by where nothing major has occurred on March 15th. In spite of it's significance, I have often lived right through it without many sad reflections about the past. I don't mean that I have stopped feeling sad about what happened to my mom, but the intense grief seems to crop up on random dates instead of on the literal date of her passing. This year, I think I feel more down because I am dealing with a current situation that is hard. I have been taking care of some border collies for a woman over the last couple of years and one of the dogs has been diagnosed with Leukemia. For the last month, I have been watching this old mother dog slip further and further downhill. The last time I saw her was Thursday and she was looking very weak and sad. I don't walk her very far anymore, but the old girl could barely make it across the street. I sense the end is near. I patted her on the head this last time and asked her if she could please not die on March 15th! I know that's a tall order for a poor dog on her last legs, but I don't want another sad event to happen on that day. I realize I don't actually have any real control here.

It's always seemed strange that March 15th has historically been such bad day. It's right near Saint Patrick's Day, which I've always loved. When I was a kid I'd decorate my parent's home with green streamers and hanging shamrocks. This year, I have two giant green shamrocks on our front door and we plan to go out on the town with our friend Doug on the 17th. It's as if the Ides of March moves in to taunt me with it's horrible ways and then it's followed by this festive day of Irish cheer. I wrote a poem about that once. It was called "It's Saint Patrick's Day for God's Sake". My grandmother, Evelyn, was Irish and she wasn't much for brooding about things. She was more the dust yourself and try to enjoy the time you have left type. Maybe I've taken on some of that Irish refusal to completely cash in my chips, even when everything seems to suck.

Been Awhile

It has been awhile since I've written here. I have tons of excuses that are mostly school related. It is hard to feel inspired to blog when you are mired down in textbook work, ongoing class journals, discussions, and papers. I am wiped out. Also, spring hit in February, so my allergies have been really bad. I was taking meds, but the side effects were not worth it. When I was on Zyrtec, I was bloated, tired, and grumpy. Claritin just made me feel like I had the flu all the time. Now, I take a little Benadryl here and there. Mostly, I just tough it out with kleenex and aspirin. I think I sneezed a total of 100 times today and have been rubbin' my red, puffy eyes. My symptoms improve slightly when I stay indoors, but usually I don't want to.

I haven't decided if I'll go to summer school yet. I might do it to burn through to my internship faster. Maybe I can take an elective and it won't be too stressful. I feel a little behind some of the other students because I am working and taking classes part-time. Even the older students seem to have loans and have managed to quit their jobs while in grad school. Eventually, I'll probably get some type of loan. I am not in a hurry to do that though. I'd rather just cut back on expenses where ever possible. I even considered putting a hold on driving my car for awhile to keep the miles down. At the rate I'm going, I will probably need a new car in another year or so. I thought about changing my lifestyle, so everything is close to home. I could still use the vehicle for a couple essentials, but not that much. Cars are such a money drain! My husband usually uses public transportation, so it is not an issue for him.

Overall, I feel pretty good about this quarter at school. I can't wait for the break after this week, however. We get two whole weeks to do as we please. One of my fellow students said she thought about reading ahead for some of her classes. There is no way I am doing that! I plan to rest, catch up with friends, drink gluten-free beer, walk dogs, write for myself, catch up on movies and fiction books, and just be. If I feel motivated, I may even hit some dance and Tai Chi classes. All that stuff went by the wayside once grad school started. I will probably write more here too. It's mostly a lot of mundane crap, but I enjoy posting stuff. I finally retrieved my password, so that makes it easier.